Goddammit my penis was so hard this morning

[hellomeow]

My god, I woke up this morning after covering myself with two huge blankets, and I was dripping with sweat even though it was about 9 degrees Celsius outside and I had the window open with the fan on. I got up and my clothes were soaked with and reeking of sweat, and I felt this huge stabbing sensation in my groin. I looked down and my penis was literally twitching revoltingly in front of me in sync with my heartbeat, as if every circulatory beat were to send it so much blood it could not contain itself. My penis felt less like a bodily organ and more like a large protrusion of iron sticking out of my scrotum, as if I had been stabbed. I didn't even want to masturbate, I was so erect it was painful. I had to take of my pants and punch my penis until the fucking thing stopped twitching, that hurt horribly. I think I know what it feels like to have a tumor now.

I hate morning night wood.

NOTE: I woke up at 12:37PM, making it morning.

[matt4862]

....omfg lol

[Hauskaz]

Oh my.

[Duvet]

rofl

[solocityElectricCyan]

didn't you say this was nightwood?

[hellomeow]

Edited. I should have said morning wood from the beginning I guess.

[elbow unit]

puching your penis can lead to erectile dysfunction. that;s why those guys in puppetry of the penis gave up their act.

[hellomeow]

I am rather abusive to my penis.

Why it sucks to be a penis:
10. You've got one eye you can't see out of.
9. Your master abuses you all the time.
8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.
7. You shrink in cold water.
6. You never get a haircut.
5. You always hang around with 2 nuts.
4. Your closest neighbour is an asshole.
3. Your best friend is a pussy.
2. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish.
1. Every time you get excited, you throw up.

[elbow unit]

rofl
11. cannibals and sluts think your a delicacy

[Hauskaz]

Intercourse is like a mafia hit. You're bagged and then thrown in a cave.

[elbow unit]

"I think i'm out, but they keep pulling me back in!"