|
|
Bwoosh
Jan 25, 2009 23:30:49 GMT -5
Post by Hauskaz on Jan 25, 2009 23:30:49 GMT -5
Bwoosh
Chapter 1: The Testicles Agreed
Where to, master?
Her adult life up to this point had been a career of servitude. It was a painful life, but she was not concerned, as long as she remained aware that any polynomial divided by a binomial will result in a quotient added to the remainder. Such knowledge kept her warm through the cold, sleepless nights spent in hotel rooms.
She was only seven when she first encountered the table saw. It was a fierce and awful device, yet its capabilities drew her in. She didn't even notice until later when the blade dug into her arm, detaching it from the rest of herself. Blinding pain came moments later. She could not handle the sheering sensation of a lost limb, and quickly fainted. She was losing blood fast.
When she woke up, she was an onion.
|
|
|
|
Bwoosh
Jan 25, 2009 23:46:40 GMT -5
Post by Cunt Wrap Supreme on Jan 25, 2009 23:46:40 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Bwoosh
Jan 25, 2009 23:48:52 GMT -5
Post by Hauskaz on Jan 25, 2009 23:48:52 GMT -5
Chain saws generally don't operate on a table, and mitre saw sounds stupid.
|
|
|
|
Bwoosh
Jan 27, 2009 22:08:42 GMT -5
Post by solocityElectricCyan on Jan 27, 2009 22:08:42 GMT -5
circular saws dont operate on a table either
|
|
|
|
Bwoosh
Jan 27, 2009 23:47:41 GMT -5
Post by elbow unit on Jan 27, 2009 23:47:41 GMT -5
All this talk of circular saws makes me think of the English exam
|
|
|
|
Bwoosh
Jan 27, 2009 23:54:58 GMT -5
Post by Hauskaz on Jan 27, 2009 23:54:58 GMT -5
Table saws operate on tables.
|
|
|
|
Bwoosh
Feb 3, 2009 20:21:35 GMT -5
Post by Hauskaz on Feb 3, 2009 20:21:35 GMT -5
Bwoosh
Chapter 2: Here Comes the Rain Again
Walk with me,
talk with me
like lovers do.
Suki thought Vancouver would be a new life for her, but nothing was different. At most, there were more foreigners, but this was their homeland, and she was now the outsider. She could not run from what she had made of herself. This was now her destiny.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!"
She couldn't comprehend what had just happened. There she lay, buried in the ground. Despite her efforts, it was impossible to express her distress. She was but one of the hundreds of onions ready for harvesting.
Life as an onion was rough. Like any other onion, she was quite literally a vegetable, incapable of anything beyond living. Her bulb had a very strong flavour and a very distinctive smell to it. If anyone cut her, it would have likely resulted in eye irritation.
The onions that surrounded her were bound for many uses. Some would be fried and served with hot dogs, while others would face a pickled preservation until they found their place in a salad. The unlucky few would be sliced and placed in hamburgers for the consumption of overweight people. A few more were destined to mutilation and burial in a stew.
To this day, onions face a bleak future as more and more people discover their distinctive flavouring. These barbaric practices are absolutely atrocious and cannot possibly be tolerated in today's world. It is essential to spread the holy truth with the hope that one day, the beautiful onion we know and love will be spared a premature end.
|
|
|
|
Bwoosh
Feb 3, 2009 21:00:09 GMT -5
Post by Cunt Wrap Supreme on Feb 3, 2009 21:00:09 GMT -5
That made too much sense.
|
|
|
|
Bwoosh
Feb 7, 2009 1:38:05 GMT -5
Post by hellomeow on Feb 7, 2009 1:38:05 GMT -5
Fuck animals. Save the vegetables.
|
|
