Post by hellomeow on Jul 14, 2009 10:58:28 GMT -5
Ahhh, love. I remember the first time I fell in love. I first saw her at the mall, the wind blowing through her perfect short golden silken hair, her long legs bronzed by the warm comforting rays of the sun. I was on a bench between reading Nietzsche and Finnegans Wake simultaneously between a third trimester pregnant woman breastfeeding her newborn and Ray Cormeau, the dashing, handsome movie star who wears sunglasses indoors and has a supermodel pop-singer girlfriend named Candi Love, you know the one, with the blonde hair and huge hooters? Yeah, she was out in the field looking for some field mice to feed them, but that's besides the point, because when I saw Jessica there was nothing else in the world, not even me, except her and my throbbing erection as she slowly floated up out of the water with a choir of naked angels playing harp playing in my mind, the soothing waves lapping at her ankles, cutting away her bikini strings until she stood there, an innocent child in this harsh unforgiving cruel world, naked as the day God made her. It was friggen love at first fright. As she stood at my humble abode she shook the soft fluffy snow from her luxurious purple hair tumbling softly down to her vintage 1972 red Converse shoes.
"Good taste," I said, nodding my head approvingly.
"Thanks, cowboy. Now are you going to be a gentleman and take my coat for me?" Faux fur. She was a vegan as well.
I was quite embarrassed to let her into my little hobbit-hovel of an abode. I didn't want her to see the cat hairs all over the place, to see my pathetic excuse of a house. My fridge is next to my toilet, for God's fakes.
I led her into my palatial living room and offered her some of the finest wine I had. I was quite nervous, you understand. In all my years as an Alaskan Oil tanker drunken driver I haven't seen a woman like her since that bukkake session in high school. You know, the one where she was singing Come Together by that Rolling Stones band and
"Hey!" she whispered into my ear. "Are you looking for an adventure?"
Shaken out of my revery, I took her upstairs to my gold-plated helicopter and drove her five miles to downtown where we hovered softly over The Great Pyramid. Looking at the City of Brotherly Love spread out before us, the sun setting over her delicious eyes. I told her that in all my ears as a drummer for the Greatest Rock And Or Roll Band Of All Time,, I have never seen a woman as breathtakingly indignant as her, save that girl that gave awesome head in high school, you know, during that bukkake session. She nodded approvingly as she took the controls of the helicopter and did a 360 tailspin tail grab, right then and there! How spontaneous! I was falling even in more love by the second! Oh let this quicksand of erotic sexitude wash over my lovelorn husk of a body, swallowing, consuming! Penis! My penis is pining for you, for your passionate platonic embrace!
As we slid down that volcano with the time-traveling Nazis behind us I knew that she was the one. The one the prophet spoke of with his dying breath when Chico stabbed him. I was just about to tell her this when she spun around on one foot and shot flaming grizzly bears out of her bazooka arms and shot them prehistoric Nazis sky high. The expolsion filled the night sky like a barrage of fireworks which we watched safely miles away upon gold-saddled reindeer. I placed my faux-fur coat on the ground so that rudolph wouldn't have to step in the mud. She looks at me and smiled. "This is the most romantic moment of my life", I told her. "Who would have figured that a robot, such as I, would experience this emotion known as love? For I am only a logical machine, and do not understand such illogical human things."
She told me she was pregant with my baby. Brad Pitt Jr, she was planning on calling him.
I was flabbergasted. "They'll hang you! They'll hang the both of us! You know a Jew Montague can not marry an African PRincess such as yourself! The society will disown us! You have a dowry to think of!"
"I don't care if my father is the gosh-darned God of the Sea! I don't care at all!" She threw her crown to the ground, stomping it with her silver heels. "All that matters is love! LOVE! Why can't anybody understand that?"
"Indeed. It is a harsh and unforgiving world, mistress."
I felt the tears roll down my shoulder. I understand what it is like to be so misunderstood. She had no control over the face God gave her. It didn't mean that God hates her that she survived the longest with Harlequin Infant syndrome. I felt the bruises all over her face, the scars running from her eyes to her armpits, pus dripping from her ears. "I don't have long to live", she said. "Teh cancer is eating away at me
I wrapped my faux-fur coat around her wasted shivering shoulders.
"I will revenge your death. I swear on my God, I will revenge you."
"Don't you mean avenge?"
"Shut up you slut." I spanked her with my cock, and she smiled thankfully as he turned me over and thrust his throbbing leather-clad peepee into my tight asian woowoo.
"You've got mail," he whispered into my ear.
"Good taste," I said, nodding my head approvingly.
"Thanks, cowboy. Now are you going to be a gentleman and take my coat for me?" Faux fur. She was a vegan as well.
I was quite embarrassed to let her into my little hobbit-hovel of an abode. I didn't want her to see the cat hairs all over the place, to see my pathetic excuse of a house. My fridge is next to my toilet, for God's fakes.
I led her into my palatial living room and offered her some of the finest wine I had. I was quite nervous, you understand. In all my years as an Alaskan Oil tanker drunken driver I haven't seen a woman like her since that bukkake session in high school. You know, the one where she was singing Come Together by that Rolling Stones band and
"Hey!" she whispered into my ear. "Are you looking for an adventure?"
Shaken out of my revery, I took her upstairs to my gold-plated helicopter and drove her five miles to downtown where we hovered softly over The Great Pyramid. Looking at the City of Brotherly Love spread out before us, the sun setting over her delicious eyes. I told her that in all my ears as a drummer for the Greatest Rock And Or Roll Band Of All Time,, I have never seen a woman as breathtakingly indignant as her, save that girl that gave awesome head in high school, you know, during that bukkake session. She nodded approvingly as she took the controls of the helicopter and did a 360 tailspin tail grab, right then and there! How spontaneous! I was falling even in more love by the second! Oh let this quicksand of erotic sexitude wash over my lovelorn husk of a body, swallowing, consuming! Penis! My penis is pining for you, for your passionate platonic embrace!
As we slid down that volcano with the time-traveling Nazis behind us I knew that she was the one. The one the prophet spoke of with his dying breath when Chico stabbed him. I was just about to tell her this when she spun around on one foot and shot flaming grizzly bears out of her bazooka arms and shot them prehistoric Nazis sky high. The expolsion filled the night sky like a barrage of fireworks which we watched safely miles away upon gold-saddled reindeer. I placed my faux-fur coat on the ground so that rudolph wouldn't have to step in the mud. She looks at me and smiled. "This is the most romantic moment of my life", I told her. "Who would have figured that a robot, such as I, would experience this emotion known as love? For I am only a logical machine, and do not understand such illogical human things."
She told me she was pregant with my baby. Brad Pitt Jr, she was planning on calling him.
I was flabbergasted. "They'll hang you! They'll hang the both of us! You know a Jew Montague can not marry an African PRincess such as yourself! The society will disown us! You have a dowry to think of!"
"I don't care if my father is the gosh-darned God of the Sea! I don't care at all!" She threw her crown to the ground, stomping it with her silver heels. "All that matters is love! LOVE! Why can't anybody understand that?"
"Indeed. It is a harsh and unforgiving world, mistress."
I felt the tears roll down my shoulder. I understand what it is like to be so misunderstood. She had no control over the face God gave her. It didn't mean that God hates her that she survived the longest with Harlequin Infant syndrome. I felt the bruises all over her face, the scars running from her eyes to her armpits, pus dripping from her ears. "I don't have long to live", she said. "Teh cancer is eating away at me
I wrapped my faux-fur coat around her wasted shivering shoulders.
"I will revenge your death. I swear on my God, I will revenge you."
"Don't you mean avenge?"
"Shut up you slut." I spanked her with my cock, and she smiled thankfully as he turned me over and thrust his throbbing leather-clad peepee into my tight asian woowoo.
"You've got mail," he whispered into my ear.
