Post by Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers on Dec 14, 2011 13:10:02 GMT -5
I take no credit for any of these, because they are all the brilliant and original content of a tripfag on /a/ called Salty Taro who is a champion of our time.
If you understand all of these, you are a better human being for it.
The other day I was in this bar, and all of the sudden a bear walked in. He looked to the bartender, and said "Give me a bourbon and... coke."
The bartender, confused, glares at him and asks "Why the huge pause?"
The bear looks back and replies "I've had them all my life."
The bartender, confused, glares at him and asks "Why the huge pause?"
The bear looks back and replies "I've had them all my life."
What do you call a person with no arms and no legs between two buildings?
Ali.
Ali.
What do you call a person with no arms and no legs on your living room wall?
Art.
...What if he doesn't have a tongue?
Tasteless Art.
Art.
...What if he doesn't have a tongue?
Tasteless Art.
What do you call a person with no arms and no legs in your mailbox?
Bill.
Bill.
What do you call a person with no arms and no legs in a stream?
Brooke.
Brooke.
What do you call a person with no arms and no legs in a tiger cage?
Claude.
Claude.
What do you call a person with no arms and no legs buried six feet under?
Doug.
...Buried three feet under?
Douglas.
Doug.
...Buried three feet under?
Douglas.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the door knocker?
He won a no-bell prize.
He won a no-bell prize.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
Roberto.
I've always wondered why tomatoes were so red. Then I realized they were blushing all along!
I guess they must always be looking directly at the salad dressing.
I guess they must always be looking directly at the salad dressing.
Did you hear about the cartoonist they found dead in his home?
The details are sketchy
The details are sketchy
The other day, my doctor told me I need to stop masturbating. "Why?" I ask. "Surely it can't be harmful."
He replied "No; It's distracting."
He replied "No; It's distracting."
When I was younger, this one kid sitting next to me in first grade actually pissed himself!
I'll never forget the look on his face when the teacher told him "Urine trouble!"
I'll never forget the look on his face when the teacher told him "Urine trouble!"
What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
Their middle names.
Their middle names.
Did you hear about that new movie Constipated?
Probably not, it hasn't come out yet.
Probably not, it hasn't come out yet.
Did you guys hear about that actress that tried to stab herself? It was all over the news the other day...
Shit, what was her name? Reese something... Anyone know?
"Reese Witherspoon?"
No, with her knife.
Shit, what was her name? Reese something... Anyone know?
"Reese Witherspoon?"
No, with her knife.
If you understand all of these, you are a better human being for it.
