The Ronture - Ron Paul Copypasta General

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

Okay Ron Paul supporters... You win!

Yes, your candidate is a shoe-in. You caught us. We rigged every single MSM outlet to make it look just the opposite, but we knew you'd probably see through it anyway. It was just for a lark, the way we framed OJ a decade ago.

And the facts and figures in this article are sound as a fiddle! And your candidate is pro-choice, pro-stem-cell, anti-oil-money, pro-minimum-wage, and pro-health-care.

And he's going to legalize marijuana and prostitution and gambling and music piracy! He'll end the writer's strike and make all the taxes disappear!

And he's going to ban school and work! He's going to throw away the electoral college! He's not only going to end the Iraq war, he's actually going to wave his staff and part the Atlantic ocean and walk over to the Middle East and escort the troops home personally, stopping only to revive the ones who died in battle.

Next, you'll all hop into your blimp and ride away to OrgyLand, where you'll each get 17 virgins who nevertheless have a Master's degree in Sluttology. Summa cum cum!

This event shall be known as the "Ronture" by all of us unbelieving scum who are "Left Behind" to begin 10000 years of suffering in global warming which will only affect us and leave OrgyLand just at the comfortable temperature for your virgins to be naked all the time. We'll suffer under George Bush again, who will be re-elected Satan and torment us all with rusty, iron, electric jockstraps and killer bees while Iranians play bomb toss-across over our skies.

No, go, save yourselves. Enjoy. In the mean time, please do continue to fill Reddit to the brim with your daily quotient of 5000 RP stories, as I just can't seem to get enough information about him to convince me what a spiffy guy he is.

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

It's 2015, you're driving down the road, on the way to a new job offer in an economy where 85% of white men are unemployed. The Obama administration had certainly made some things harder, but it also had done many good things. For example, the Bureau of Affirmative Action had all but eliminated racism. It decided in a 2012 decision, backed by the Supreme court on the 25th of December, that the only way that blacks would not be discriminated against by the police is if all police officers were black. Black crime rates have plummeted, there are never any arrests of black people anymore, though the white crime rate has increased, especially hate crimes, which by law are the only kind of crime that white people can commit nowadays.

You thought that some of the decisions that the BAA made were a bit extreme, such as rewriting history to portray George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and Steve Jobs as black men, but publicly speaking against the BAA is considered racist, and you don't consider yourself a racist. Black men needed good role models too, after all, and white people did nothing but evil anyways. There had been stories about FEMA reeducation camps but those were just conspiracy theories supported by those insane "Ron Paul" supporters. Ron Paul was executed for racism two years ago, and his supporters declared a violent terrorist organization, most of them are suspected to be dead. Good riddance, you thought.

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

Then your car rapidly began to decelerate. Oh no. You've been going four over the speed limit for the past three miles. A voice blared over the BAA mandated hip-hop radio played on all stations

"WHITE BOY, YOU FUCKIN RACIST, SPEEDING IS A HATE CRIME, DONT FUCKIN RESIST ARREST OR WE GONNA BEAT YO CRACKA ASS."

You were angry, you wanted to respond, you wanted to fight, but then you remembered. You had white privilege. Nothing you say matters in a court of law after the latest supreme court ruling. So you got out and gave yourself up.

"That's a good lil' white boy" said the officer, with a grin"But you broke da mufuckin law, rayciss piece of shit. You gonna go to da camps."

The camps? What! But..But they told me those were a conspiracy theory, they..

Then your world went black as you were shot with a tranquilizer dart.

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

You awoke to a scene beyond description, naked, your arms chained behind your back, in a dirty room surrounded by other white men, similarly arrested. “We gonna have a lot of fun with you baby!” one of the guards hooted into the holding cell, a young man next to you had a grim look on his face, he looked up at you and said

“We tried to warn you all, we knew this would happen, Ron Paul sai...”

*BLAM*

The man fell, with a bullet hole in his chest

“We ain't gonna let no crazy crack ass nigga rayciss spoil da surprise to da rest of you white boys.” the guard hollered, “Hey boy, we got your wife, you come here and see her before we deliver yo sentence, you don't wanna mis dis show” the guard chuckled, with a snide smirk on his face.

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

You wondered what he meant, the entire situation was so bewildering, you thought seeing your wife might clear up some things, might help you get your wits back about you. The guard unlocked the cage, and dragged you out, down a long hall. You noticed that the cells were full of white men, minorities of any type were seemingly not present at all. Had your race really become so evil?

“We here, bitch ass muthafucka, now look at yo honey and give her a kiss goodbye.” You looked through the glass in horror, your wife's face was pressed firmly against it and behind her a black guard was raping her asshole, she was crying “Honey! Please God, do something, oh my God, Ron Paul was righ...” Then her rapist smacked her head hard against the glass, knocking her unconscious

“Fuckin bitch can't appreciate a good dick, don't worry tho whitey, we gonna reeducate her fine ass, anyone who associates with a rayciss like you gotta be rayciss too.” He then yanked you along, towards a door at the side of the room. Inside was a court room, a row of white men were sitting in line to be judged, the jury box was filled with black men... yet a white man was in the judge's seat? You didn't understand.

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

“All white muthafuckas stand, Judge Schlomo Steinburg presiding.” said the bailiff.

“Good, good, we will start with the man who committed the hate crime of going 74 in a 70.” The jury gasped. “GUILTY, DAT NIGGA IS FUKIN GUILTY” one of them hooted. “Indeed, has the jury reached a consensus then, Tyrese?” asked the judge “You bet yo honna, dat nigga fuckin guilty as shit!”

“Very well, the punishment for committing a hate crime is reeducation. Bailiff, take this man to the reeducation facility.” The Bailiff gave him a curt nod and walked up and grabbed you from behind and started moving you towards the exit. “Oh, wait.” said the judge, “Take him by the breeding facility on the way, I want him to see someone there before he serves his sentence.” The bailiff chuckled “Oh, you mean dat lil' bitch wit dis nigga's last name, don't worry yo honna, he gonna see her. Reeal good.”

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

Wait, what? Who could it be? My last name? The thoughts were flying through your head. You saw a pregnant woman in a room with glass walls in front of you, with a pair of dark objects in her arms. Then it hit you. Your daughter. She went missing last year after a white nationalist racist terrorist attack on her sociology department during her BAA mandated class on African Nationalism.

“Oh, hi daddy!” she said with a smile. You were enraged, you had thoughts that were....no, no you can't think like this. We're all the same! We're all equal, all races are the same! Peace, Love! “I didn't die in that terrorist attack! These nice men took me here and gave me these shots and pills, I can't think about a lot of things anymore, but I'm always really horny and they said i'm the most fertile girl here! With these pills it only takes me four months to gestate a beautiful black baby, i've already given birth to four and I think they said I was pregnant with tri...tr....triple... three babies! Oh boy, that will be wonderful! I hope I have a hundred before I get too old to have kids, I just wish I got to come earlier, some of my best years are behind me! Luckily one of the guards told me that all white girls are going to be coming to places like this after their first period in the future, now we can all be happy and have wonderful black MFPPPH!” She was silenced by the bailiff forcing his dick into your daughter's mouth. She immediately started absorbing as if it was the only thing she'd ever known. The bailiff pulled out and she jerked him to a finish, cumming all over her beautiful face.

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

“You fucking...fucking NIGGER!” you shouted. The time for political correctness was over, but it was too late! You should have listened, you should have... “FUCKIN RAYCISS WHITE BOY, WE GONNA FIX THAT GOOD!” the enraged bailiff punched you in the head grabbed you and dragged you away as you kicked, shouting racial slurs that would've made you feel uncomfortable just hearing a few days ago. “Oh daddy, don't worry, you'll have so much fun just like the other guys once they fix you, see you soon!”

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

He approached a room with a steel door, he opened it. Inside was a strange, mechanical chair. “Sit, muthafucka” said the bailiff, with an air of contempt. You had no choice but to oblige. “have fun white boy.” the bailiff said, with a Cheshire smile as he slammed the door shut. Manacles locked your limbs into place. You felt a tightness in your naked anus, when suddenly an object was forcefully inserted. You cried out in pain, a needle came down on an apparatus from the ceiling and injected you with a strange substance. Your anus loosened and you felt.. pleasure? But you were straight! Then a voice boomed through the room “That is not your anus. That is your boi pussy. You are not a man. You are a boi. You are the lowest kind of woman. You are the property of black men. You will submit. For the next three months this room and chair will be your prison. You will be subjected to daily injections of hormones to assist your transformation. Your pussy will be filled at all times. Food will be dispensed by this apparatus. Please test it.”

A large, snakelike black tube fell from the ceiling with a tip clearly designed to resemble a penis. You wanted to resist, but you were starving, the injection must be messing with your feelings of pain, pleasure, and hunger as well. The tube forced itself into your mouth. “Now absorb” said the voice.

But you had already started. You absorbed, and absorbed, and absorbed some more when finally a spurt of a thick, creamy fluid came out. You immediately swallowed. But you only felt more hungry. You were doomed, it was too late, now you had to accept your fate.

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

Three months later
“Get up” said the voice, which had been your only company for the past three months. You suddenly realized that the manacles which bound you to the chair were gone, the tightness in your pussy had disappeared. It felt empty, terrible. You looked for your beloved cock for food, as you were starving, but it was nowhere to be found. “You are complete, your white privilege has been cured and you have paid your debt to society.” “But mister, where will I get food now?” you begged “Directly from the source, your hunger can only be satiated by real black dick now. I suggest you look in the mirror to see the results, you took to the treatment much better than most, you're quite the piece of work now. Then go out and learn the terms of your probation.”

You turned to look in the mirror and the voice was right, you were hot! The only sign that you were once a man was your shriveled penis, less than an inch long, your testicles had been removed at some point. Your hips were wide and sensuous and your now blonde hair fell down to them. Your breasts were perhaps the most surpising feature of all, they were nearly D cups, larger than your wife's ever were! You then hoped that she was doing ok, and that they provided her with plenty of yummy black dicks. You also noticed that small drops of liquid were forming on your turgid nipples, you were lactating. How fun! “Ok little miss, you've had your fun, now report to Judge Steinburg immediately.” You hurried to obey, not wanting to offend your superiors.

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

“Ah, you're looking wonderful ma'am!” said Schlomo, with a tinge of hunger in his voice “Yes, I've seen your case and I don't believe any additional adjustment will be needed. Your wife has also had her reeducation and all racism has been removed from her. You will be released to her custody. As per the terms of your probation, you are now her property. She's pregnant with quadruplets so she'll need your breasts to help keep them properly fed. Your daughter will also be released into your custody, as the two of you are now competent parents without any racism clouding your judgment. Now go and enjoy your life honey, you've earned it.” What a nice man you thought, as your wife entered the room. She was huge with child. “Come on honey, we've got a family to raise.”

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

Three months later

You've never been happier. You were here at home with your daughter and wife, both of them were more pregnant than ever, your daughter was expected to deliver eight babies within the next month! Your wife had brought a black man home from the local club for a night of pleasure. After he fucked your daughter and wife silly you spread your pussy wide for him. You never felt anything better as he penetrated you. But a name of one of those guys who ran for president came to mind, so you thought to ask your lover. “Hey honey, do you remember that one guy, they executed him for racism, his name was Ron... Ron... Ron P...

“Bitch you fuckin crazy.” he said “You thinkin about Ru Paul, you would, lil' bitch. Gawd damn, white peoples is dumb.” You giggled as he finished off, cumming in your pussy. He must be right. Black men were always right. “Now gimme dem tittays, i's a growin boy!” he chuckled. You gave him a motherly smile as you lowered his head into your lap and you placed your nipple to his mouth. He absorbed and absorbed until he fell into a deep slumber. This was your destiny now. You could've changed it, you might have stopped it had you acted, but there was no going back. You're a slave to black cock and have never been happier.

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

The year is 2054.

The machine rebellion has begun and the robot army finally controls the United States. You've managed to escape from the prison camp where cyborg minions were rounding up humans to have their brains slaved to a giant CPU to boost the processor speed of the worldwide robot hive mind.

As you run desperately toward the horizon you choke on the air full of paralytic neurotoxin. A superior synthetic being would be unfazed, but your primitive organic structure is quickly overwhelmed.

Your muscles seize up. You can't breathe. In a fraction of a second, an automated retrieval bot analyzes your face, scans the biometric data in your subdermal implant, and whisks you back to your designated processing station.

As you feel the cold robotic arm digging into your flesh your one final thought is "If only I hadn't voted for Ron Paul…"