Post by Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers on Jul 14, 2021 11:52:53 GMT -5
Epic Thread Alert. Official Thread Theme: www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1-TrAvp_xs
EVERYBODY get in right now. Hauskaz Duvet emocidalqueer Slutmantha solocityElectricCyan Evilchild4life Cheesemaster Cheesemaster II Cheesemaster III Cheesemaster IV Cheesemaster V @daryl731 Tex-Mex Alex A. Dex Batmanuel Lang Bang Finn elbow unit
LITerally me right now
I come to you guys today from a place of extreme emotional vulnerability and pain right now. I've been fighting back tears for the last hour, and I don't think I can hold them back much longer. I feel like I've gone from being 5'9" with a full head of hair to being a 5'3" balding Costanza tier M A N L E T. The hero you all knew as Mohamdu, Momentum, that autistic motherfucker, Mike Mohamed, whatever you called me. Today I hang up my cape in shame, I toss my jersey in the trash, the mask is off. I am no longer the hero XF deserves today. Today, I am broken. Today, I stand defeated.
And let me be clear, no one on XF has ever truly defeated me. Sure maybe you took a game of chess or starcraft or something else off of me, but you never really defeated me or erased me from existence. I feel like Jiren, once a great warrior of strength and unbreakable vigor, now completely shattered and waiting for my erasure from the universe. Today, I met my own worst enemy: myself.
There is only one person in this world who will be remembered as the one who defeated Mike Mohamed. Her name is Nancy, the dental hygienist. July 14th, 2021: my personal Pearl Harbor, or perhaps my own Pearly White Harbor. Nancy is a 70 year old, 4'10" blonde woman who works at Albion Dental Center cleaning teeth. Nancy is excellent at her job, if I had to pick between some hot piece of ass cleaning my teeth and Nancy, I would pick Nancy every time. So now let me share the tale of how I was completely destroyed into nothing. And in fact, it is quite fair to say that I defeated my own self, dug my own grave, hopped into it and simply let Nancy dump a truck of soil on me while I was still alive. I don't even want to dig myself out, let the sweet lack of oxygen deprive my brain until I can't think anymore. Until I can forget all this pain and death's embrace overtakes me. I fucking mirror forced myself.
Ok, so here's the story: I went to the dental office today to get my teeth cleaned. As usual, nothing was wrong with me, my teeth were just fine, I'm in good health, everything's fine. It was in this moment that I shot myself in the foot. I asked Nancy a very simple question: "just how many people actually have all their wisdom teeth". Nancy thought about it for a while, and explained, "Most people these days do get them removed, however if you're asking if people do have all their teeth, yes. There are quite a few people who do have all their wisdom teeth, all their teeth, yes. It's not quite common but they're out there." I breathed a deep sigh of relief, at least I could rest assured that no matter what happened, I wasn't a pathetic fucking TOOTHLET like everyone else. And then after cleaning my teeth for a few minutes, Nancy asked, "Did you ever have braces, Michael?" to which I replied yes. And then, all of a sudden, Nancy crushed my skull and I died instantly.
It was in this moment that Nancy viltrumite speared my very ego and let the blood pour out of me like a fountain. She began to explain, "Michael, you're missing your second bicuspids." I shot up in terror from the reclined seat, "I'm missing what?" "Your second bicuspids. They were removed from you when you were young, do you not remember that? It's often done to kids with braces." And then it all hit me like a freight train.
It was true, long ago Dr. J. Schumacher had removed my teeth in a painful procedure after reattaching my braces. The amount of heavy sedation I was under as a young boy perhaps caused me to over time, forget it ever happened. But the damage is permanent, and irreversible just like that rape scene with Monica Belluci. I am nothing now. I am but a mortal man. I am a toothlet.
And the thing that makes me so sad is, just look at how sexy bicuspids are! they're like double sided canines! This is what you took from me? Against my very will? Suddenly I felt the phantom pain that I feel when I look at what remains of my foreskin and realize, I never had a choice in this matter. I will always, be incomplete. I will NEVER be intact. The insecurity and emotional frailty consumes me now, why was I even born, God? What is the point of having all four wisdom teeth if I can't even brag about how full my set of teeth are? I looked at Nancy with pain, "So this is who I am now: Mike 'Missing Teeth' Mohamed."
LITerally Nancy explaining to me that I will never have a full set of teeth. No matter how long I live, I will always be a toothlet. Why did Nancy have to tell me the awful, awful truth? I used to look at my teeth and grin with joy. Now I don't even feel like smiling ever again.
Nancy could see how broken I was, eventually she looked at me and said, "Michael, you know, you don't HAVE to tell people that you're missing teeth." To which I chuckled morosely and replied, "Nancy, you have torn me apart inside. I should have never asked. I could have kept on living in blissful ignorance. This will never stop bothering me now." To which Nancy gave me a straight ok.jpg look as she walked out of the room.
And so I sat there, with my incomplete set of teeth, feeling like Mark Grayson after he just got brutally raped by a woman.
The worst part of all, was the absolute ego death I experienced in that reclined chair. I should have forseen my own death coming. As I walked into the waiting room 30 minutes earlier, Michael Jackson's "Rock With You" was playing on the radio. The first thing that caught my eyes was a small brochure that read, "Hope after Death". Out of curiosity, I read it. The first words were "Michael Jackson's untimely death shocked the world." It was all too strangely coincidental, and I felt a forboding feeling in my stomach. I tried to chalk it up to mere coincidence, but God makes no mistakes. Except you know, my awful, incomplete set of teeth. Back to the dental hygienists office. In front of me, practically mocking me, was this painting.
Norman Rockwell's "The Missing Tooth". I laughed, perhaps Nancy had hung this specific painting in her office just to mock the toothlets like me, the forever incomplete losers who would never have all 32 teeth. I felt like Eren Jaeger stepping out of his father's basement: the world I knew was gone, all that is left is this awful world with its awful truths, forever mocking me.
Maybe you just don't get it. I care a lot about my teeth. I brush sometimes three, four times a day. I floss 3 times a day too. I truly do enjoy biting things, biting people, biting animals. In a loving way, of course. I never have problems with my teeth, I take far too good care of them. Sometimes I sharpen them on purpose. But now, it all feels for naught: who cares if my teeth are sharp and pretty, if they'll always be incomplete? Sure, I can eat, but eventually the nightmares that have always haunted me where I lose all my teeth will come true: eventually I'll be a toothless nothing. What kind of life is that? I would rather die. Thank god this country supports euthanasia.
I just can't fight back the pain anymore.
I just feel so hideous and ugly now. I have none of the traits I find attractive in other people. I'm not tall, I don't have a full set of sharp teeth, I'm not even a fighting game character. My penis isn't even intact, I have a horrible fear of sharp objects anywhere near my crotch, brings back bad memories. Sure, it works. Sure, I can chew things, I can bite people. Sure, I have a girlfriend and family that love me, friends and co-workers who genuinely seem to like me. And yet I can't shake this feeling that I'll always be nothing now.
Oh frigging god guys it hurts inside. I had to do this. I remember seeing some Korean guy with a 3 inch penis who kept making threads on 4chan for several months. He would always post the same thing: "Look at it. Just look at it. Just look at my pathetic, tiny Korean penis." No matter how many times they banned him, shrimpdick would always rise back up like Jason. I understand him now: this is how you C O P E with the absolute unbearable shame of eternally being inadequate. I would post my own disgustingly incomplete set of teeth, they were just cleaned, and yet I feel too ashamed. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna stare into my own horrible mouth and mourn my missing bicuspids some more, cry myself to sleep and try to take a nap. I'll try not to kill myself today. brb googling dental implant surgery.
NEVER
FUCKING
EVER
😢
