Dental Hygienics

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

My new hobby is obsessing over dental hygiene products. Honestly this is becoming very fun, and remarkably effective. Now certainly I am still utterly ashamed of my four missing bicuspids. However, I'm certain that eventually I'll have a very fun time surprising Nancy the next time I see her.

Now the truth is, daddy has every bad habit under the sun. Constant bong tokes, daily chugging of black coffee and teas, nightly cigarettes, hard liquor. Suffice to say, I do a whole lot of awful shit to myself. And most of the things I love all seem to do the same thing: ruin my teeth.

So this right here is an ultrasonic scaler, came with a dental mirror. Always wanted one of these mirrors, very useful for seeing what's going on with your upper rows of teeth.



The truth is it hasn't even been much more than two months since I faced ego death in Nancy's office, but all my bad habits have again mostly stained the back layer of my front teeth, mostly the bottom row. I stress mostly the back layer, I think the activated charcoal toothpaste I switch too has helped reduce the buildup of tartar and calculus on the front of my teeth, but it always seems to build up behind. I think this is mostly coffee related: I am horrible.



This toothpaste is dope though I recommend everyone try it. I can just imagine myself walking into Nancy's office the next time.

"Michael, your teeth are pretty much already clean. Did you quit smoking?"
"Nope."
"Did you quit drinking coffee?"
"Nope."
"Did you give up weed."
"Of course not!"
"Well why are your teeth so clean?"
"Because Nancy, I replaced you with a $40 Ultrasonic Scaler. Thanks Daddy Bezos!"

At which point I'll tell Nancy to continue doing her job, because it's obviously ridiculous to think even very well trained and meticulous use of such a product could actually replace dental hygienist visits. Nancy is still the best ultrasonic scaler there is.

This is an awful picture but the dental mirror really does help you see what's going on in the upper row. You can also clearly see how gapped my front teeth are. But it's ok, gapped teeth are all the rage these days. And it makes me feel ever more connected to the eighth Jojo so I'm ok with it.



This thing honestly costs like $40. For this price you can't really go wrong. Does an excellent job of cleaning your teeth. Mastering using the mirror with one hand and the scaler in the other takes a bit of a learning curve, but you can do it.

One important tip: you should always rinse your teeth with hydrogen peroxide solution before actually using the ultrasonic scaler. Had 5 different settings for either tartar or different types of calculus formation. The frequency of vibration is much higher for calculus removal as opposed to simple tartar.



Gonna buy a tooth polisher next. Apparently they're also good for sharpening teeth which is nice. Gonna grab one of those overpriced Oral-B rotation oscillation toothbrushes too.



Look I may forever be a pig disgusting toothlet but goddammit, I am gonna keep my shit clean as hell. At this point my supervisor is so tired of me flossing my teeth in the locker room he's actually walked up to me and asked, "Hey, why you always flossin' bro? Are you a floss-sopher?". Had to admit that one was kinda good. I highly recommend this floss, it kicks ass.



Can't wait to get my tooth polisher!

[Mr Momentum & the Sidesteppers]

This is a post I'm making with the genuine hope that it can prevent some people from suffering gum disease. I seriously recommend reading this post carefully because it's no BS what I'm about to talk about.

So I was horrified to learn over the past week that I have, very literally, become long in the tooth. That is to say I've suffered some gumline recession in my upper left first molar. It was only a small degree of gumline recession, maybe a millimetre or two. But it was still enough to be noticeable and increase the sensitivity of this molar. I can only assume this was from either brushing my teeth and agitating the gums too hard or my habit of chewing food excessively with the left side of my mouth. I smoke but not even that much, why the gumline receded slightly is a mystery to me. Now dentists all agree that there is no real way to "reverse" gumline recession as the gums do not heal the same way other tissues do. But for whatever reason, the gumline here was inflamed and receding slightly. This is really bad: the only real fix for this is gum grafting tissue from the back of the mouth into the affected area. A procedure that's very painful, has a long recovery and can cost thousands of dollars for the surgery. I wanted to avoid ever needing to do this at all costs. At this point it was not nearly bad enough to require surgery, but I could feel it was beginning.

So I seriously compel everyone to go out and grab a tin of this stuff. Should cost you about $5.



This can seriously prevent or basically stop gumline inflammation and halt recession entirely. It's incredibly simple and called "coconut oil pulling". Google it if you don't believe me. All you do is get a tablespoon of coconut oil, put it in your mouth, chew it a little and then swish it through your teeth and your gums for about 15 to 20 minutes. You could easily do it after or before brushing. I swear to god, this relieved the sensitivity of my molar almost instantly. After doing it for 5 days a week, the gumline has seemingly gone down back to where it should be. I'm sure some tissue has been lost, but it looks and feels dramatically healthier now. I'm honestly in a state of shock, I can't believe how well this works. Seriously, only $5 for a tin of coconut oil and it might literally save your gumline. I wish more dentists talked about this.

The fact is you only have one set of teeth and a certain mass of gum for your whole life. Eventually if you lose them you will need to replace them with veneers or dentures or gum grafts or some other procedure that all in all, you do not want to go through. Just do the right thing and care for your oral health as well as you can. Your teeth and gums will thank you.