Legend of the Gayspammer

[Kirkwood Chocolate]

Official Thread Theme: www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1B3Mgklfd0


It's time for me to take the mask off and reveal my true identity. They called me many names, The Faggot Knight, The Queer Crusader. The truth is, I was always the king of spamming gay porn, one of the first of many heroes to don that mantle. Everything I learned was from my sensei, the Accel spammer. An ancient hero who protected /a/ from moeshit threads during the golden era of around 2010-2011. The Accel spammer was an unforgettable legend. The truth is I had his MSN messenger at one point, but the dude blocked me. Clearly I was coming onto him too strong, I really did think of him as a great hero of that time. And his legend lives on eternal.

The Accelerator is just a great fucking character in general. I love that he chose to use him as the object of his spam. It was the Accelspammer who first taught me how to use bots to spam targeted shitty threads on /a/. He showed me how to pack proxies full of IP address and then fire captchas at threads one after another. Queueing them up and allowing the images to post one after another from various IPs, so as to bypass the 30 second delay that 4chan gives each IP. This image would also ever so slightly resize the canvas of each image so that duplicate images could be relentlessly posted. A solid mix of image variety, hundreds of proxy ips and hand typed rapidfire captchas was the fuel this weapon ran on.

I took my master's tutelage and used it on /v/ and /a/. Just as he did, loading up several hundreds of proxy IPs, but my own twist was filling the bot with hundreds of gay porn and yaoi images. And then typing hundreds of captchas one after another. Destroying threads that were offtopic, unrelated to anime or video games, and generally ensuring that shitty threads were rapidly saged and spammed into irrelevance. I would tire my fingers night after night, during the peak evening hours of discussion and destroy thread after thread with my gay porn collection.

After long, they began to signal for me. They would cry out for The Faggot Knight to crush a shitty thread into dust. I donned the cape and mask, the night was my husband. Over time, I eventually decided that it was becoming to difficult to carry on. The other spammers often did the same, the 4chan spam filtering system was upgraded to become more difficult to use proxy IPs of any kind. Over time the spammers all fell to the new and upgraded systems that were implemented first by moot, and later hiroyuki. Soon, I realized I was tired of being the Gaped Crusader. I hung up my mask and cape, and deleted the spam bot from my computer.

There were many others who followed in my wake. I suppose you could call them proteges. The truth is I consider the identity of the Gayspammer to be like a sacred torch, something I wielded at one point and then passed on to others. In the immortal words of Mark Grayson, "Being a hero is bullshit."



It was one of the only times in my life, I ever really felt like I was doing something positive for others. I helped those denizens of /a/ and /v/, I made them cry out for me. They began to praise my name, hailing for the Faggot Knight to protect them when the tranny mods wouldn't. I really felt, like I mattered. I'll always cherish those days of spamming /a/ and /v/ with yaoi, bara and gay porn pics. It was a fun time, and it felt like I made a difference. To see others carry on my legacy after I laid down my gauntlets, worn from typing so many Captchas; it really made me feel like I made an impact on people. I always look in the mirror, and see the Gayspammer. The First Gayspammer. The one that inspired so many others to carry on my path. Sometimes I wonder about who those new heroes are, how they felt, when they decided to hang up the suit and call it quits. In the end, we were all defeated, the trannoid staff won and the citizens of 4chan all despise the mods to this very day. But there are still those of us who remember the good old days.

Geeze, all this nostalgia has honestly got me a little choked up. Think I might spam some gay porn on /a/ tonight. Just for old time's sake.

[Kirkwood Chocolate]

Official Thread Theme has been added.

Before I became the Faggot Knight, I was actually more like The Phagtom Menace. I had to grow up Anakin before I could switch into Vader mode. Honestly the fact that my parents could not tell that I was an enormous queer is a testament to how little they cared about me. Even when I was a kid I was fucking obsessed with Batman to a gay degree. I kept forcing my parents to buy Batman toys and only Batman, every time I could convince them to do it. I would yell and cry like a little bitch until they bought me more Batman action figures. The more buff, ripped and manly the action figure looked, the more loudly I would protest that I wanted it. My parents just wanted me to shut up. I had a shitton. I would just sit there all day, staring at Bruce Wayne's handsome face, admiring his manly body and making all my Batman and Superman toys wrestle each other all day. I would sleep in bed with a big dumb Batman doll and pretend I was actually hugging Batman to help me fall asleep. I was fucking gay from since I was 5. It's a miracle I ever developed an interest in females at all.

Surely it was my love for saving /a/ as the Faggot Knight and my own obsession with Bruce Wayne's manly ass that lead me to writing this post many years back.

Apr 26, 2014 10:46:10 GMT -5 Kirkwood Chocolate said:

Am I the only one who's always imagined Batman as being really, really, REALLY gay? Not in some kind of homophobic way, just in the sense that he's probably a very deeply closeted homosexual man externalizing his shame in his sexual orientation by fighting crime? I've never been able to imagine Batman in any other way, his character is too unbelievable unless he's gay. As if he always harbored a deep admiration for men since a young boy, but because of the incident with his parents, he slowly became obsessed with this concept of justice. He represses his homosexual desires in an attempt to become the heir of the Wayne fortune and a celebrity, but deep inside, he's obsessed with penises.

It's why he wears a tight suit with a cape and seems to love sleeping with robin in an underground cave (where NO ONE of course, will hear their rough lovemaking sessions). I'm sure his obsession with fighting crime is just an externalization of his need to rough and tumble with other men, even moreso because he does it in a spandex suit. Maybe he's never killed anyone, but that's probably because he just enjoyed giving a rough assfucking to some tall, built thug while rambling incoherently about justice and moral pride while his cock penetrates deep into another man's ass and he enjoys the grunts and whimpers of a man whose masculinity is slowly crumbling under the steady, constant rhythmic pressure of Bruce Wayne's penis.



This is why he invites women over to entertain them, he has to keep appearances up. But in reality, what he REALLY can't wait for is to get into bed with his tights and mask on, slide his hands down his batbriefs and give Superman a phone call while he touches himself and starts questioning him in the Batvoice.

"SUPERMAN! Where are you right now?"
"I'm kinda busy right now Bruce, is there a criminal or a villain we have to fight?"
"No, I just, need to know what you're wearing right now..." *fap fap* "You're wearing that spandex under your suit right now, aren't you? Tell me you're wearing those tight red briefs again.."
"Uh, Bruce look. You need to stop calling me like this. I'm having dinner with Lois right now."
"You BASTARD! You always have time for me when it's all about the crime fighting, but as soon as there's time off you just have to waste all your time with HER."
"Look Bruce.. I really don't have time for this right now. I'm gonna hang up now."
"SUPERMAN WAIT, I JUST WANT TO TALK!"
"Goodbye Bruce" *click*
and of course Batman proceeds to fap himself silly imagining Superman's pecs and using his own tears as lubricant.

Honestly his whole rivalry with the Joker and other villains just don't make sense if he's not gay. A NORMAL hetero billionaire would just waste his time philandering with women and getting hammered in between running the company, instead Batman just has to get into a suit and grapple with thugs.

What a faggot.

My mother used to have a friend with a son who was about 5 years older than me. I'd go to their house for sleepovers and play video games and watch Gundam Wing in his bed until late at night. Eventually when I was about 7 or 8, his mother asked my mother to stop doing it. The boy was very tall and athletic, basically I had a bad habit of always trying to hug him like a teddy bear and kiss him all over. Apparently it was making him very uncomfortable. I felt really sad, I really liked him and going to his house. Why was it so wrong to hug and kiss him? I didn't get it. However, it definitely wasn't the last time my unwanted advances on other boys would make them or their parents' uncomfortable.

I remember having a really quasi gay childhood experience. I was like 9, my best friend at the time was 8, his brother was like 7. His brother would constantly run up to everyone and give them hugs. He was very cute at this stage of his life. One night I was sleeping over at their house and I was lying on the sofa, underneath the pillows. I was autistic and loved burying myself into things like a feline. Then his brother got on top of me on top of the pillows. We started doing this weird thing where it was like, we were rubbing our dicks into each other through the pillows. It felt really good, so we just kept doing it. Obviously this is at a stage of our lives where we had no real concept of what sex even was. I remember at some point, my friend's dad actually saw what we were doing, got upset and then told us both to stop doing that. Then he looked at both me and his son very sternly, and told us that we could never do that again. I just remembered being a child and being so confused, weren't we just playing a game or something? Why was it ok to play video games and card games together, but not this game? Why was his dad so upset? What were we even doing? It was a really confusing experience. His father Chuck, never quite looked at me the same way again. And this is exactly what I mean by my parents being neglectful: even some other kid's parent could tell I was a fag and was trying his best to reign me in before I started grooming his son into the lifestyle.

I met my friend and his brother a couple times over the last few years. I had secretly hoped maybe his brother grew into a cute twink boy in his early 20s. How disappointed I was to see his brother honestly looked more like some 4chan incel, very greasy hair, acne, an awkward meme spouter. He was not attractive. I felt oddly let down.

I remember one time in grade 5, I did perhaps the most blatantly faggoty thing any kid could have done. My 5th grade teacher, Mr. Slawson, surely looked at me this particular day and thought, "This kid is going to grow up to be fucking gay." I was fucking obsessed with Yugioh and DBZ to the point where I was reading the plot synopses of the anime and manga from fansites that had watched the show in japanese or watched those ancient 90s fansubs. I remembered always having a crush on Bakura while watching the tv, at least in the sense of constantly being enamoured by him and being excited to see him on the screen, looking up pictures of him on the internet.



But then I started seeing pictures of the character Malik Ishtar. They keep calling him Marik but that's only because Japan can't into the letter l. I took one look at him and fell in love. God what I would give to lick those pits. I was completely enamored by this cute brown boy with a choker and a big rod he carries everywhere. I was 10 fucking years old and obsessed with bishounen.



He was just so pretty. I printed a bunch of pictures of him off of my brother's printer (likely infuriating him because he was anal about coloured printer ink), then glued the pictures to some construction paper my mom had. Basically made a gay little homage poster to Malik Ishtar. Then I brought it to school in my bag, like a P R O U D little faggot and started showing all these pictures of this Egyptian pretty boy to my friends. I was beaming, I kept going on about how he was actually the coolest character in Yugioh. They all just looked at me like I was weird and gay. My teacher told me to put it away, probably to save me from further embarassment. I wonder what happened to that poster. Who the fuck am I kidding I am still in love with him to this day.



Anyways the long and short of it is, I was always a faggot ass kid. So it was only natural that I walked down this path to eventually become the Queer Crusader. It was all fate.